Overcoming Solo Travel Anxiety: The Harsh Truths No One Tells You

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Sometimes, you find a cheaper flight after you've booked yours. Move on. Here are some harsh truths that helped me overcome solo travel anxiety.

I am not generally an anxious person (my therapist might disagree), but there are some anxieties I've carried with me my whole life — most of them are social. Perhaps this isn't the time to be too reflective, but I grew up in a city where everyone looked like me and acted the same, and that does impact your relationship to the unknown.

My social anxiety typically manifests in the usual way, like wanting to make a good impression, or being nervous to go to a party where I don't know anyone, but I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge how the area I grew up in made me feel like I was doing something wrong by stepping into spaces I was an outsider in. I've always wanted to do right by people, no matter who they are or where they come from, but as I learned about cultural appropriation from people who definitely did not understand it, my hesitation to do things outside of my "sheltered white girl" box grew.

As I began to plan my first official foray into solo travel, my childhood surroundings definitely lended themselves to my solo travel anxiety; on top of being nervous about being alone somewhere new, I was also worried I'd stand out — or worse — someone would be mad at me for being there.

After my first trip, it was easy to see how most of those fears weren't based in real-life. So with that said, here are the harsh truths I've learned that actually helped me overcome solo travel anxiety — because let's face it: Sometimes you need reality to slap you in the face to really learn a lesson.

Truth #1: No one is coming to save you, but that's the point

No one is coming to take your picture either, so you learn how to take great self portraits.

The phrase "no one is coming to save you," sounds scary and intimidating — believe me, I get it. As a person whose entire life strategy is "always have an out," that one is a hard pill to swallow. But on the flip side, no one coming to save you means you aren't beholden to anyone's thoughts, opinions, or feelings but your own, and that's the kind of self-reliance solo travel has allowed me to embrace.

Picture this: You're stranded at the airport after your connecting flight was cancelled. The airline says they can't get you home for two days, but they can't get you to your destination until then, either. What do you do? You get really resourceful, really fast — but you also come away with the confidence of knowing you figured it out. If nothing else helps you overcome solo travel anxiety, understanding your capabilities will.

Truth #2: You can second-guess yourself all day, but it doesn't help you

One of the biggest anxieties I've experienced as a solo traveler is wondering if I'm doing things the "right way."

Did I pack in a way that other people would deem the best way? It doesn't matter.

Is the guy at TSA secretly thinking, "Yes, that one. She flies all the time"? It doesn't matter.

Did I spend too much on this flight? If it's booked, nothing I can do about it now.

One of the best things about solo travel is you get to learn from your mistakes, and for all intents and purposes, you were the only one there to witness them. You can worry about what could have been all day, but when you're actually out in the world, what you're doing now is what matters.

Devil's Bathtub (jumping in wasn't as scary as I thought)

Truth #3: Fear doesn't go away, but you learn to push through

If there's one feeling I wish every woman could experience, it's the high you get of doing a thing that scares you only to have it go so completely your way. The best way to manufacture that feeling? Book a flight to a city you've never been to before.

The truth is, fear isn't a bad emotion — it's just there to give you information. Ultimately, you decide what you get to do with that information. Sometimes, fear keeps us from doing things that are good for us, because in many cases, it keeps us tucked into our comfort zone. I can certifiably say my biggest growth moments have come from the ones I went into with the most fear of how they'd turn out. And while each time gets a little easier, the fear has never gone away. It's just easier to sort through the information.

Truth #4: Being alone isn't the same thing as being lonely, and you should stop conflating the two

Loneliness is a feeling that goes far beyond being alone; one is an emotion, but the other is just a state of being. Just because you are alone doesn't mean you have to feel lonely, and it certainly doesn't mean that every person who is alone is lonely.

I am a person who has always enjoyed my alone time, but I know this doesn't come naturally to others. However, I do think there's a societal assumption that people who are alone are, in fact, lonely. If I hadn't had role models growing up who actively demonstrated the difference between the two, I'm not sure I'd enjoy my alone time as much as I do now.

Solo travel — to perhaps put it harshly — forces you to get right with yourself in a lot of ways, but it also helps you discover things about yourself that help you enjoy your moments alone.

Truth #5: No one cares about you. Really, they don't.

Instead of letting this one rot in your soul, allow it to set you free. Nothing matters — and no one is watching you and judging your movements. My therapist on many occasions has pointed out to me that people's judgement of you is just a judgement of themselves, and in a lot of ways, I rely on that comfort when I'm out in the world.

Even when you do have the occasional unpleasant interaction, I guarantee you, people rarely go home and think about it at night. Give yourself permission to be out in the world and just do your thing. I promise no one is watching you eat dinner alone and thinking you're sad and lonely. I promise you'll make more friends than you think you will when you're out by yourself.

Everyone has looked like an idiot in public — give yourself permission to do it more often, and give yourself permission not to care (because no one else does).

Sure, camping in Ibiza was a little risky — but it was also fun.

Truth #6: Risk and danger aren't the same thing, but you need to know how to differentiate the two

In a way, this goes hand in hand with our third truth, but in my mind, the two are distinctly different. Knowing something is risky can create fear and anxiety, and I don't think that's a bad thing. After all, risk assessment is what keeps us safe. Risk is simply a probability game: What are the chances something will lead to damage?

The harsh truth is nothing comes without some kind of risk — putting yourself out there for a new job comes with the risk of rejection. Getting in your car comes with risk of crashing. Eating raw fruits and vegetables comes with the risk of shitting water, apparently. My point? There are ways to mitigate chances of damage, and that makes some things worth the risk.

Danger, on the other hand, is the absolute threat of harm. Knowing how to mitigate risk is essential to keeping yourself out of harm's way, and it helps hone your instincts, which in turn leads to confidence. Understanding that risk doesn't necessarily equate to danger definitely helped ease my anxiety, especially around solo travel.

Obviously, anxiety isn't something that just ~goes away~ when you've read a clever little article on the internet, but I do find that sometimes hearing the blunt truth that's opposite of my anxiety can waylay some of my fears. If hearing some of these truths gets even one person to book the flight, I'd say it was worth it.

Solo travel is one of the best tools for confidence-building and self-discovery out there, so if I could leave you with one thing, it's this: Do it scared.

Wondering where to go? Check out my guide to choosing a solo travel destination.